- This was last Wednesday in Denver:
- This was three days later:
… when the Zadge and Babe the Builder were Ladies Who Lunch in 80 degree sunshine:
- And three days after that is May 1 – May Day! Which means EIGHT MUTHA FUDGIN’ INCHES OF SNOW IS CALLED FOR BY THE AFTERNOON. Excuse the Zadge while she goes to jump off of a cliff.
- Speaking of hell, the Zadge has now named her latest dating foray “eHell.” Or maybe “WhatTheHell?” would work too. Because every guy they are sending her and saying ”Here’s A Great Match For You!” is HORRIFIC! As in, unattractive, uneducated, underemployed, unfunny, untall and way geographically undesirable. Babe the Builder thought the Zadge was exZADGErating until she came over and saw the photos herself. ”Oh my,” was all she could say.
- And you know what bugs the Zadge almost as much as online dating? The cashiers at Whole Paycheck who, after telling you it will be $129 for one bag of groceries, smile at you and say, “Would you like to donate $5 to save a child starving to death in Somalia/give a meal to a homeless family/help the victims of the Boston Bombing?” And then they look put out when the Zadge screams back at them, “No, you MUTHA FUDGIN’ EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILERS! NO! DO NOT TRY TO GUILT ME INTO GIVING YOU MORE MONEY BY TRYING TO SHAME ME IN FRONT OF THE REST OF THE LINE!”
- Have you noticed that the Zadge’s latest self-improvement resolution is to stop dropping the F-bomb 50 times a day? She’s trying to substitute it with “Fudge” and “effing.” Shut the front door!
- The Zadge was cleaning out her purse the other day and this was in that little side pocket inside:Does everyone carry EIGHT lip glosses that are all almost exactly identical?
- Speaking of cleaning, can the Zadge recommend the best cleaning tool EVER?The Magic Eraser – it will get out ANY stain, dirt, smudge, ANYTHING in your house. Trust the Zadge and her House of Stains. And no, Mr. Clean didn’t pay her to say that. Mr. Clean, in fact, has never met the Zadge. Just like Mr. Right.
- Speaking of stains in the house, in case you think the Zadge lives some sort of glamorous life — but, uh, why would you? — let her just tell you this little ditty: she hit the Tar-jay over the weekend to stock up on the household essentials, including a big plastic box of Oxyclean, which she uses to get the stains out of the linens left by all the critters after they sleep/vomit/shed on the beds. She left the box of Oxyclean at the top of the stairs, as she unloaded the rest of the Tar-jay bags. The next day, she picked up the box and started to walk to the upstairs laundry room. That’s when she noticed it was wet. Odd, she thought. She looked over to the spot where she had placed it and noticed it was surrounded by liquid. A yellow liquid. Pee. Someone had peed on the Oxyclean. It wasn’t the Zadge. It wasn’t the usual suspect, who can’t climb the stairs. So it was Bugs or Tulip. Who peed on the Zadge’s cleaning product designed to remove the stains that Bugs and/or Tulip left on the beds.
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