The Zadge would have posted about all the shenanigans from her Girls’ Weekend sooner except she was too busy drying out her liver.
See, this was the first time in about seven years that the Zadge’s college posse had all been together and that alone was reason to celebrate. The girls traveled from all over to get to Old Vicky – “JY Jam” from Italy via Connecticut, “Sanlandia” from Portlandia, Orgeon and “Crazy Jane aka Everyone Tells Me I Look Like Connie Britton” from Virginia Beach:
JY Jam, Crazy Jane, Sanlandia on Larimer Street
Three words really sum up the weekend.
FOOD:
Gourmet Tacos
Beet Salad with Hazelnuts and Goat Cheese, and Sweet Potato Falafel
Hearty Brunch
BOOZE:
Pinot Grigio at Lunch
Bloodies at Brunch
Yes, Cosmos at 11:30 a.m. kicked off the weekend.
and FUN:
Rocking with the Band
Virginia Beach is in the house!
What Drinking During the Day Does to Two Heterosexuals
JY JAM snaps a photo while doing a back bend
Late Night Moves
But lest you think the girls were mere sloths all weekend, just sitting around stuffing their faces and boozing it up, you should know they engaged in some intense physical activity as well.
Like Advanced Daytime Shopping While Buzzed at Pricey Boutiques. Burns approximately 500 calories an hour.
And Hungover Hiking:
Oh, it hurt on the way up.
Smiling Through the Hangover
Doing “The Claw.” Don’t ask.
There were only two low points of the weekend.
One, of course, involved Harry.
When the Girls opened the door to Old Vicky late Friday night after hours of revelry, they were hit – and I mean hit – in the face with the worst STANK you can imagine.
Diarrhea. All over the dining room floor. And you have never seen house guests suddenly so tired. ”Aw Zadge, I’m sooo tired. I’m going upstairs to bed. Sorry you have to clean that up!”
The second low point was much, much worse.
During the girls’ Hungover Hike, as they reached the summit, they met a guy with a Bull Terrier that looked like this: 
Turns out the guy had rescued the dog just five weeks earlier from a dog fighting ring. Although he had him on a leash, he didn’t mention to the Girls and Harry and Bugs as they walked past him that the dog was a vicious killer. And without any warning, that dog violently attacked poor little Bugs.
It was the worst thing the Zadge has seen. The dog clamped his elongated muzzle down on Bugs’ right eye and started violently shaking his head, pulling Bugs’ fur and skin off of his face. Of course, the Zadge immediately ran over and jumped in the middle of the attack, smacking the dog in the face and screaming at him. (His owner was trying to pull open the dog’s jaws to free Bugs’ eye.) After what seemed like an eternity, the dog finally released Bugs.
And the Zadge was sure that her dog was either dead or permanently maimed. She picked up little Bugs, ran away from the attacker and bent down to check her baby. And low and behold, his eye was intact. And apart from a one inch gash above his eye and a smaller one below it, Bugs was perfectly fine.
The Girls, however, were not. The Zadge was in a state of shock, almost frozen. So she didn’t unleash the Big Can of Whoop Ass she usually carries around on the attacker’s owner. JY Jam, never a big dog person, was all “Holy Shit, one more reason not to get a dog.” Sanlandia, herself a yellow lab owner, thankfully kept Harry from jumping to his brother’s aid. And thank god for Crazy Jane because she had it together enough to pull out HER can of Whoop Ass and open it all over the dog’s owner.
As Bugs trotted down the path, tail wagging, as if nothing had happened, the reality set in about what a close call it was and the Zadge snapped out of her state of shock. And she started hyper-ventilating, and had to bend over and grab her knees, and the tears streamed down her face. The Girls all comforted her and rubbed her back. She caught her breath, stood up, thanked the Girls for their help and said:
“Oh, God, we need a strong drink.”
And that’s what friends are for. What a gift the Zadge’s are.
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Well, you know I see nothing wrong with cosmos at 11:30 am. I would have expected nothing less!
I am so careful where I bring Jack, there are some crazy ass dog owners down here. The other day Jack helped a dog play for the first time 3 months; the poor thing had been attacked by three huskies who’s owner egged the dogs on one poor little one. The woman cried and told me Jack should be a therapy dog. I should have told her he already is one for me!
dog owner of dog who had violent past = muzzle when out. nuff said. I’m glad Bugs is ok.
Girls weekend looked wicked awesome. And I’m not even a Southie….
Oh I hate when that happens!!! My puggle Reggie (RIP) was attacked by a large dog that was not on a leash and he suffered a punctured snout which bled something terrible. I was stuck with the $400 vet bill and the dog’s owner denied any wrongdoing but he got ticketed anyway. What an asshole! (This happened when I lived in Golden, CO)
Please post picture of Can of Whoop Ass being deployed. Did that a**hole grovel appropriately and at least offer to buy the first round?
Grrrr.
Aside from that, and the poo, fun weekend report.
Oh, Zadge. How horrible. I was afraid to keep reading in fear for sweet Bugs. I am so relieved to hear he is okay. Wonder what Harry got into that gave him the stinky poo. Doesn’t he know that is no way to greet your guests?
Besides those two sickening experiences, glad you all had such a wonderful time together. You needed that.
I’m so glad Bugs is ok! That’s so scary and horrible.
SOOO glad Bugs is okay. How frightening! The owner of the building where I used to work had a bull terrier that she brought to work every day. I loved that dog! I never knew they could be vicious. Otherwise, it sounds like you had a great reunion.
I don’t know when ….but tears started somewhere in there and then turned happy.
I am glad you started this with fun , if you had started with Bugs……I wouldn’t have seen
your beautiful friends and time you had. Glad someone had their can of whoop ass.
I think I would like that Crazy Jane. I like how she was gettin down with her bad self on the dance floor (DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT SISTER) as well as the fact that she pulled out her whoop-ass can on the attacking dog’s owner. WHOOOOOT.
I so glad Bug is okay. My heart dropped when I got to that part. I have a neighbor that allowed his two pit bulls to run after another neighbor while walking his dog. They attacked the dog and his owner tried to help protect him. The neighbor and his dog ended up being injured. The police was called and the pit bull owner ended up in court, both his pits were put down and he has been court ordered never to own ANY dog as long as he lives in this county. The other neighbor has permanent damage to his hand. What is wrong with these dog owners. It’s not the animal’s fault.
Holy crap, I never want to read THAT again, I think all the blood drained from my face. So glad Bugs is well. Your friends are a riot though.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! So glad that Bugs came out okay! Should have bitten that dog owner.
My lovely Lucy does not play well with other dogs. She NEVER has other dog visitors and she’s NEVER off leash outside of the yard.
I’m so glad that Bugs is fine!
I’m glad that Bugs is okay. This was a good story! I mean about the friends and the drinking, not the part where Bugs was attacked while minding his own business. You are very lucky to have such great friends!
–>Poor Bugs!
I’m going to look for Crazy Jane in Va. Beach now! I might pass her on 264 one of these days.