Apparently they call it the Golden Globes because all of the women have their boobs on display. See Sofia Vagara and Salma Hayek. Damn, those are some bazooms. Would I still be single if I sported some of those golden globes?
Three of my fake boyfriends are in the same room together, Daniel Craig, Denzel Washington and Keith Urban. Wonder if they will come to fisticuffs over me. Probably. You know Danny Boy will win.
Daniel Day Lewis will never look like anyone but Abe Lincoln for the rest of his life. The Republicans should draft him for their next election.
Mel Gibson will never look like anyone but a drunk, racist, misogynist.
The nut job lady who heads up the Hollywood Foreign Press has an awful face lift and terrible comedic timing.
Paul Rudd needs to cut his hair.
Holy Shit! JLo’s dress! Or is that just an all-over body henna tattoo? And is that her son or her boyfriend sitting next to her?
Adele high fives Danny Boy when she wins best song and says she’s been sitting there “pissing” herself. Add “Get drunk with Adele” to bucket list.
What is with all the goatees, Kevin Costner, Ben Affleck and Hugh Jackman? And Will Farrell with the porn stash? EWWWW.
Tommy Lee Jones’ face is starting to look a lot like Keef’s. And not Keef’s in 1972.
Jennifer Lawrence is wearing a weird red dress that makes her boobs look like pointy bullets. Her “I beat Meryl” joke does not go over well. Bullet Boobs needs to learn a little humility.
Do not, do not get Anne Hathaway. Ugh. Hugh Jackman’s wife is turning her back to her while she drones on and on like she just won the Nobel Peace Prize for Ending War for All Time. The orchestra has to shut her up.
Every time I see Amanda Seyfried, I wonder whether she is being filmed with a fish-eye lens that makes her eyes appear to be on the side of her head instead of where they are supposed to be.
But thank god there have been no Gwyneth sightings, the only redeeming thing about this dull-as-shit show. I’m turning this shit off to go check my Match.com profile, that’s how boring this show is.
Wait! WAIT! Jody Foster just gave an amazing speech and came out of the closet sort of even though everyone knew she was out and everyone is crying, including me! Damn, she’s 2 years older than me – why does she look so much better? Should I become a lesbian?
And holy shit, Ben “Chinny-Chin-Chin” Affleck just beat out Spielberg and Tarantino for Best Director! Is everyone in the Hollywood Foreign Press drunk?
Why can’t I meet a guy like Jimmy Fallon?
Oh god, skanky, mother-beater Christian Bale just came out – time to switch to Downton Abbey.
Wait! Hugh Jackman wins something! Must watch a bit longer. He tells the world his wife is always right and repeatedly refers to her as “Baby” in that hot Australian accent. Forget Jimmy Fallon, I want Hugh, even with the damn goatee.
Les Miz just won for best musical and that effing Hathaway just hijacked the microphone. Shut.Her.Up. She is La Miz. That’s it – I’m turning this shit off.
Okay, I can’t tear myself away. The Cloonster strolls out and announces Jessica Chastain for Best Actress and she gives the best speech of the night. GIRL POWER! The Cloonster goes on to pronounce Abe Lincoln as Best Actor. Big surprise. Prez Lincoln mentions my fake boyfriend Danny Boy, which causes a camera shot of him with his FAKE wife. I’m really pissed now.
Downton Abbey, here I come.
Wait, WAIT! ARGO just beat out LINCOLN for best movie? Holy shit. You know Spielberg is pissed as hell.
And on that note, let’s see what’s going on with the much better soap opera over at Downton. Toodles!
![bookmark](http://www.blueskiesandyellowdogs.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif" height=){kind=small}
Don’t go watch Downton Abbey. Go answer my very awesome survey. Right now.
I should have included Anne Hathaway vs. Gwyneth Paltrow. Just for Zadge.
I did it the other way around. I watched Downton Abbey then came in late for the Golden Globes. Someone needs to teach Jennifer Lopez how to dress sexy. Just not Letha. And I thought Jessica Chastain’s hair looked really weird. Tina Fey’s hair was gorgeous! Did not like Amy Poehler in those capris. Jodie did look fantastic! Much better than some of those young chicks.
HEY!
I could not stay up late enough to see the end of the show, but I will point out that you looked way hotter in your Downton Abbey costume than your fake boyfriend’s FAKE wife did in her Golden Globes dress. Is it long, is it short? Did half the lining of the skirt get ripped away? WHAT IS THAT.
My favorite part of the night was when Sasha Baron Cohen (and when did he become so respectable that he was cast in Les Miz??) was doing a riff on his fellow Les Miz cast mates, and commented on what a good use of money it was to give Russell Crowe 4 months of singing lessons, and everyone nervously laughed, and Marky Mark looked around like “Am I gonna have to fight him now, he’s not here is he.”
Thank you for agreeing with me that she is FAKE FAKE FAKE.
I did the Downton DVR so I could enjoy it today. You are right, Jennifer Lopez is a loon for toting that boy toy around. I have to say, I am a fan on my homie Ben Affleck; you have to give him props for not only directing but for dumping Lopez before he went down the aisle with her. Whew.
I know he has the ole’ hometown Boston chops, but he’s been riding Damon’s coattails (and now Clooney’s) for years!
Jennifer Lopez is certifiable. And she has an insane ego complex because I think the only men she is comfortable with dating are ones that are UNKNOWN, YOUNG, DUMB, and who probably fetch her lotion whenever she asks for it.
But she does have a nice ass.
I heard the Meryl Streep dis was suppposed to be a comedic reference. What the crowd didn’t realize was that the line was a reference to 1996 film “The First Wives Club,” and not an actual dig at Streep.
Oh, Hulkie, you are so one of the girls!
I’m trying to figure out when Jennifer Lopez started dating Alan Harper.
Tommy Lee Jones was not amused by the antics of Kristin Wiig and Will Ferrell. Not amused At All.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were awesome.
I KNOW! Look at the small, wimpy men J Lo has dated: the most recent – pubescent dancer, before that – the wee, sunken eyed Marc Anthony, and that gross phase with Chinny Chin Chin, and before that, P Diddy, who might be powerful in the music industry, but ain’t all that. Can’t she land a hottie?
And those poor children look like their father.
I think the same thing every time I see a picture of those twins. God. Poor children.
I didn’t watch the globes, so I definitely appreciate the stream of consciousness. Sad to hear that Anne Hathaway gave a long and boring streak – I always want to like her!
Anne Hathaway is all mouth and she looks like Liza Minelli.