The Zadge just got home from her Match.com date with the 49-year old, guitar-playing Jon Stewart-lookalike-widower with the golden retrievers
But before we get into that, let’s first look at what greeted the Zadge when she got home and opened the door:
That was a bag of clothes the Zadge was planning on donating to Goodwill. Now she supposes she will be donating it to the local animal shelter to use as chew toys.
So back to the Zadge’s latest dating shenanigans.
Yes, he looked like Jon Stewart. Which is good, because the Zadge finds Jon Stewart handsome. But yes, he was only as tall as Jon Stewart, which is bad, because the Zadge is significantly taller than Jon Stewart. The Zadge wore flat boots because his profile said he was 5’10 and she was still two inches taller than him. And she almost always wears heels. So that means that in normal life, she’d tower over Jon by 5 inches. Which also confirms the Zadge’s belief that every man on Match.com lies about his height. The way that the women lie about their weight.
Also, the Zadge’s hands were bigger than Jon Stewart’s. You know what they say, small hands, small gloves. She’s pretty sure her arms were longer than his, too.
On the positive side, he is a total dog person, and has two golden retrievers, one named Homer – remember when Bugs was named Homer for a day? And he’s smart, and East Coast raised and educated, which sounds snobby, but the Zadge doesn’t care. He has a great job and makes a lot of money and has a second home in the mountains and travels to exotic places. He plays guitar and loves Keith Richards. He loves Obama.
On the negative side, he’s shy and kind of geeky, neither of which has ever been said about the Zadge. He didn’t ask the Zadge a single question about her job, which, by the way, is WAY MORE INTERESTING than his. Over the course of the date, the Zadge heard these words more in two hours than she’s heard in her entire life: celluose, hydrogen, fracking, renewable energy, combustion, synthesis, nitrogen, hydrogen (again) and carbon.
In short – bah ha ha – the Zadge thinks she is just TOO BIG for Jon Stewart: in height and in personality. But, he did invite the Zadge to a guitar jam session with him and his dogs and her and her dogs and she agreed, thinking it would be fun to have a guitar buddy. He’s leaving next week for two weeks in Borneo so she has time to sharpen the two songs she now knows on the guitar, “Horse with No Name” and John Denver’s “Take Me Home Country Roads.”
Oh yeah, he said he didn’t like John Denver. HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE JOHN DENVER?
And speaking of jam sessions, the Zadge’s old buddy Blumie stopped by last night with a couple of his kids and his giant Labradoodle Bodie, and then a fun, impromptu jam session ensued, with the adults, the kids and the dogs all singing along:
The Blumie Clan is definitely in the running to be the opening act for the Felonious Barkers on their first tour. Unless Cooper and the Cupcakes beat them out.