The Zadge just got home from her Match.com date with the 49-year old, guitar-playing Jon Stewart-lookalike-widower with the golden retrievers
But before we get into that, let’s first look at what greeted the Zadge when she got home and opened the door:
But mom, how was I supposed to know the plastic bag only had clothes and not yummy chewy things?
That was a bag of clothes the Zadge was planning on donating to Goodwill. Now she supposes she will be donating it to the local animal shelter to use as chew toys.
So back to the Zadge’s latest dating shenanigans.
Yes, he looked like Jon Stewart. Which is good, because the Zadge finds Jon Stewart handsome. But yes, he was only as tall as Jon Stewart, which is bad, because the Zadge is significantly taller than Jon Stewart. The Zadge wore flat boots because his profile said he was 5’10 and she was still two inches taller than him. And she almost always wears heels. So that means that in normal life, she’d tower over Jon by 5 inches. Which also confirms the Zadge’s belief that every man on Match.com lies about his height. The way that the women lie about their weight.
Also, the Zadge’s hands were bigger than Jon Stewart’s. You know what they say, small hands, small gloves. She’s pretty sure her arms were longer than his, too.
On the positive side, he is a total dog person, and has two golden retrievers, one named Homer – remember when Bugs was named Homer for a day? And he’s smart, and East Coast raised and educated, which sounds snobby, but the Zadge doesn’t care. He has a great job and makes a lot of money and has a second home in the mountains and travels to exotic places. He plays guitar and loves Keith Richards. He loves Obama.
On the negative side, he’s shy and kind of geeky, neither of which has ever been said about the Zadge. He didn’t ask the Zadge a single question about her job, which, by the way, is WAY MORE INTERESTING than his. Over the course of the date, the Zadge heard these words more in two hours than she’s heard in her entire life: celluose, hydrogen, fracking, renewable energy, combustion, synthesis, nitrogen, hydrogen (again) and carbon.
In short – bah ha ha – the Zadge thinks she is just TOO BIG for Jon Stewart: in height and in personality. But, he did invite the Zadge to a guitar jam session with him and his dogs and her and her dogs and she agreed, thinking it would be fun to have a guitar buddy. He’s leaving next week for two weeks in Borneo so she has time to sharpen the two songs she now knows on the guitar, “Horse with No Name” and John Denver’s “Take Me Home Country Roads.”
Oh yeah, he said he didn’t like John Denver. HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE JOHN DENVER?
And speaking of jam sessions, the Zadge’s old buddy Blumie stopped by last night with a couple of his kids and his giant Labradoodle Bodie, and then a fun, impromptu jam session ensued, with the adults, the kids and the dogs all singing along:
The Blumie Clan is definitely in the running to be the opening act for the Felonious Barkers on their first tour. Unless Cooper and the Cupcakes beat them out.
![bookmark](http://www.blueskiesandyellowdogs.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif" height=){kind=small}
I think I could overlook the heart thing, but the reciting chemical elements would put me over the edge.
He actually sounds kind of nice (dogs, Obama, guitar). Maybe he was a bit nervous. And just think, tall girl, you could look down your nose at him without being chastised.
That is definitely a Dog Shaming photo up there.
Wow, celluose, hydrogen, fracking, renewable energy, combustion, synthesis, nitrogen and carbon sound really interesting.
Lucky you.
Poor Harry knows the only way to get his photo on your blog is to be bad.
Maybe your date is more interested in YOU than your job. After all it is super secret
and he wouldn’t want to out you. Glad you are giving him a secoond chance.
A dog person can’t be ALL bad.
How are the voice lessons progressing? I see the tour plans are.
I just ended communication with a guy because of those very same words. If I hear about your job twice before you ask me what I do, it’s not going to work out. Also, I’m convinced that the height of 5’10″ is what men use when they are lying about their height. If I see 5’10″, I never believe it.
He sounded good up until the part where he said he didn’t like John Denver… bummer, could have been so great.
You’re supposed to lie on your Match page?
Well shit. THAT answers a lot of questions…
He doesn’t like John Denver??? What a Philistine!
I think the bagged clothes are probably still giveable. Harry caught your scent and just wanted to be close to you, mom. Jon Stewart can’t be too bad since he loves dogs and has two of the gentlest breeds. And he likes Obama. And apparently science.
Next!
Count us in! We love tour buses.
I just realized……Harry thought YOU were trapped in that bag with your smell and he
was trying to help you get out of it. See , once he knew you weren’t in there
he quit tearing it up.
Aw.
On the positive side, maybe you and Jon Stewart will become guitar buddies and friends. As for Harry, have you ever tried to slip one of your tee shirts over his head and tie it around his middle? I wonder if your smell would not only comfort him, but make him think you are WATCHING and make him think twice about getting into mischief. One can only hope.
Well, having tried to date someone shorter than me, I could honestly say it was like being with the Lucky Charms leprechaun. Short does not work. And not magically delicious.
But they CAN do a jig at the pub while they’re crapping out pink hearts and green shamrocks…