Random Ruminations
- You may have noticed that the Zadge hasn’t posted for several days. Because she has been too busy vomiting. Yes, vomiting. And shivering with fever chills. And sweating with fever sweats. And suffering from things in the southern half of her body of which she will spare you the details. The Stomach Flu. And Pukers don’t have much energy to be Posters, hence the radio silence.
- In contrast to his usual shenanigans, Harry was a calm and comforting Nurse Maid to the Zadge while she was illin’, cuddling peacefully with her on the couch in between heaves.
- Before she became The Puker on Sunday, the Zadge had a great weekend. She and Lizzie were Ladies Who Lunch and Get Their Nails Done:
Lizzie was sporting some new bangs, which made her even cuter.
- One of the Zadge’s biggest Pet Peeves? People who put knives in the silverware caddy of the dishwasher with the blade pointing UP. You know, away from the water spray from below that cleans it AND right at your wrist so you can sever an artery.
- It’s like people who hang toilet paper the wrong way. You know, with the new sheets in the back instead of the front. Just wrong.
- And yes, the Zadge is aware that there is something MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than these Zadge Peeves going on right now, like, um, a PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, but she is trying to distract herself because she just couldn’t stand it if one of the contenders wins this election.
- And that would be Roseanne Barr.
- So tonight, instead of obsessively watching the election returns and noticing that her haircut looks almost exactly like NBC’s Andrea Mitchell’s (age approximately 70), the Zadge went to Lizzie’s third-grade “Broadway Showtunes Musical Performance”:
That’s Lizzie in the second row in the middle, in the white shirt behind the girl in the front row in the hot pink shirt who is losing her battle with childhood obesity.
- And boy, is she glad she did. Because Lizzie’s mother, who just got out of jail, was supposed to be there and didn’t show up. And Lizzie’s face lit up when she took the stage and saw the Zadge sitting in the audience next to Lizzie’s grandmother. And she ran off the stage after the performance and jumped into the Zadge’s arms yelling her name. AND HOW MUCH DID THE ZADGE’S HEART SWELL?
- And yes, the Zadge OVERUSES THE ALL CAPS SHOUTING FONT. Have you met our girl in person? SHY AND RETIRING SHE AIN’T. But peace is finally what she is feeling after a very long, stressful political campaign. Because whatever the outcome – even if, god forbid, Roseanne Barr is the next leader of the free world, the Zadge will not have to hear another goddamned political ad for another four years. Peace Out!
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Did June take that first picture or were you guys having an earthquake?
Ugh! I’m so sorry you had the flu. Gross. But Harry looks like he was super concerned – as he should be. Maybe he felt like he needed to clean up after you like you’ve cleaned up after him all those times
Awww , Harry is worried about The Zadge.
Lizzie is one lucky girl to have you.
We are all lucky to have you in the world.
Would YOU like to be president? We need a good one……peace harmony and love.
AND partaaaaay.
Please politicians……can we just get along. Do what is best for AMERICA and not your selfish selves.
That is all. ‘Cept……we love The Zadge and glad she’s around.
Bless you for being in Lizzie’s life. Sadly, it appears she can’t count on her mother.
Dang, woman! I’m sorry you are sick. Get well pronto! Don’t you have a plane to catch on Friday?
Oh man.. so sorry that you’re sick. Hope you’re on the mend today. I’m so glad that Rosanne didn’t win the election.. that would have just weird. But hey – Look at Proposition 64! Colorado and Washington leading the country in – dope smoking. Gotta love the west. Since I don’t live in CO and didn’t get to hear the commercials for this proposition, what was the theme music? I’m thinking that John Denver and Rocky Mountain High was appropriate. Ok..sorry. I know that you’ve probably heard that till you’re sick.
I’m so glad that Lizzie has you in her life. You have made such a difference for that Child and at the same time, her grandmother and brother. Her mother doesn’t deserve her. And thank God for Harry – he is a good nurse and he loves his Zadge. We all love our Zadge. Feel better!
I hope you feel better.
Here’s why I hang my TP with the new sheets at the back. Years ago, I had the cat from Hell. He would bat at the roll of TP and if the new sheets were from the front, before you knew it, he had an entire roll of TP stretched across the floor. But, it the new sheets were in the back, all he could do was make the roll spin because he could spin the roll down, but not up. He’s no longer with us, but I still hang the TP this way.
I must have missed seeing Roseanne Barr on the ballot. I saw Santa Claus, but not Roseanne. Huh.
Glad you’re feeling better. Harry looks so sweet and adorable. I feel the same way about silverware in the dishwasher and TP. How very sad that Lizzie’s mother didn’t show up for the event. That breaks my heart. So glad you were there.
Ew – that sounds like an illness Ms.Bee does not want to get! Especially since she is on the road to Lake Placid tomorrow! Me and the mutts hope you are feeling better!
Lizzie is so lucky to have you in her life – her so called Momma must be a real piece of work!
Aren’t we all just dancing the jig today?
Mittens is toast – thank the good Lord above!
Dear sistah wife, drink some gingerale and get back on your feet soon! Lizzie’s bangs and those golden mutts surely will cure what ails you!
Where the f was Bugs??
I am so glad you were there for Lizzie.
#9. “love crying” as your nephew says
Just read this one. I think you sent that flu westward to Piper, just so she could relish peeing brown liquid out her bumhole. And trying to heave up her small intestine out her mouth. TMI, I know. But I always go there, right??
The childhood obesity thing made me laugh. That was kinda snarky. I like you.