- You may have noticed that the Zadge hasn’t posted for several days. Because she has been too busy vomiting. Yes, vomiting. And shivering with fever chills. And sweating with fever sweats. And suffering from things in the southern half of her body of which she will spare you the details. The Stomach Flu. And Pukers don’t have much energy to be Posters, hence the radio silence.
- In contrast to his usual shenanigans, Harry was a calm and comforting Nurse Maid to the Zadge while she was illin’, cuddling peacefully with her on the couch in between heaves.
- Before she became The Puker on Sunday, the Zadge had a great weekend. She and Lizzie were Ladies Who Lunch and Get Their Nails Done: Lizzie was sporting some new bangs, which made her even cuter.
- One of the Zadge’s biggest Pet Peeves? People who put knives in the silverware caddy of the dishwasher with the blade pointing UP. You know, away from the water spray from below that cleans it AND right at your wrist so you can sever an artery.
- It’s like people who hang toilet paper the wrong way. You know, with the new sheets in the back instead of the front. Just wrong.
- And yes, the Zadge is aware that there is something MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than these Zadge Peeves going on right now, like, um, a PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, but she is trying to distract herself because she just couldn’t stand it if one of the contenders wins this election.
- And that would be Roseanne Barr.
- So tonight, instead of obsessively watching the election returns and noticing that her haircut looks almost exactly like NBC’s Andrea Mitchell’s (age approximately 70), the Zadge went to Lizzie’s third-grade “Broadway Showtunes Musical Performance”:That’s Lizzie in the second row in the middle, in the white shirt behind the girl in the front row in the hot pink shirt who is losing her battle with childhood obesity.
- And boy, is she glad she did. Because Lizzie’s mother, who just got out of jail, was supposed to be there and didn’t show up. And Lizzie’s face lit up when she took the stage and saw the Zadge sitting in the audience next to Lizzie’s grandmother. And she ran off the stage after the performance and jumped into the Zadge’s arms yelling her name. AND HOW MUCH DID THE ZADGE’S HEART SWELL?
- And yes, the Zadge OVERUSES THE ALL CAPS SHOUTING FONT. Have you met our girl in person? SHY AND RETIRING SHE AIN’T. But peace is finally what she is feeling after a very long, stressful political campaign. Because whatever the outcome – even if, god forbid, Roseanne Barr is the next leader of the free world, the Zadge will not have to hear another goddamned political ad for another four years. Peace Out!
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