Hey peeps, can you all get together, do some mass interwebby Indian dance and get the gods to send torrential rain to Colorado? Because as you surely know, the Zadge’s state is on fire. Horrible, awful fires. Even in Denver, with the nearest fire 25 miles away, people are coughing.
Oh, and people in Denver are sweating. Particularly one who may have had an air conditioning unit that, ahem, took a suicidal plunge a few days ago. One hundred and five effing degrees, my amigos, 105 Fahrenheit. And don’t give me that “Oh, but it’s dry heat” shit. According to weather records, we broke the temperature highs set back in the days when Laura Ingalls Wilder was running around the prairie yelling “Pa, I just shoved the A/C unit out of the window of the log cabin.”
Despite the ridiculous 105 degree temperature, the Zadge happily sat in the blazing sun at the Colorado Rockies game Monday night with her fun cousin who was in town for work:
And said a huge “Thank You Baby Jesus of Bethlehem” when the scorching sun finally set:
So the heat and the smoke and the dead air conditioners are just one reason the Zadge is happy to be getting on a plane tomorrow to fly to the comparatively-speaking-iceberg known as San Francisco, to meet Dr. Boy Toy for their potentially disasterous “romantic” weekend adventure.
Another reason she is happy to get out of Denver is that the hotel where they will be staying tomorrow night will, presumably, have a functioning sewer system. As that is something sorely lacking in Old Vicky right now. The Zadge is far too stressed out to give you the horrific details, but let’s just say that “the shit has hit the fan.” She has no choice but to declare bankruptcy and have the sewer line replaced next week. The Zadge now refers to Old Vicky as the Ten to Twelve Thousand Dollar Shit Storm.
Now, the Zadge must admit that she has several reasons why she almost, and just may still, cancel said “romantic rendezvous” with Young Doc in Cali. First, despite the fact that Young Doc was the one who suggested the trip, he is, apparently, expecting the Zadge to split the entire cost with him. He, who makes three times what the Zadge does and does not have to hemorrhage thousands on a Money Pit of a Shit Storm house.
Annoyed with him is what the Zadge is.
And if you happen to see Young Doc and the Zadge out to dinner this weekend, don’t be watching for the Zadge to reach out and pick up the check. Because her hand WILL NOT TOUCH HER WALLET AT MEALS.
Also? The Zadge, a woman happily accustomed to her single life, and her alone time, and her being able to use the bathroom without worrying about what some cheap-ass doctor can hear, and sleep without some dude trying to steal her side of the bed, and having to TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR THREE EFFING DAYS, is a bit wary of the whole damn weekend. After all, you do remember the disaster that was the Young Canadian, do you not?
But most of all, she is really hesitant to get on a plane and leave this little felon:
Yes!!! BUGS IS IN DA HOUSE!!!
He was released from the slammer yesterday, with glowing reports! And, if the Zadge is being honest, she’d pick her dogs over a guy any day of the week.
So stay tuned. If you don’t see a post for a few days, it means the Zadge hopped the plane to Cali for god-knows-what-kind-of-weekend. (The Zadge has not told him about the blog, figuring he would soon be very good blog material, so she can’t really get on the computer and blog about him in front of his cheap-ass self.)
If you see a post sooner, the Zadge is happily esconced in her smoky, shitty, house filled with felons!
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When my customers at work keep complaining about the 105 degree heat and draught here in Missouri, I gently remind them of the people displaced from their homes by a.) fires from hell, b.) floods, and c.) people who have no homes. We will deal.
My heart goes out to you guys. I pray for some relief for you soon.
My cousin is in New Mexico fighting fires and the photos she posts on FB are awful. She even traveled to Estes Park to help with the fires.
Maybe a trip away will revive you, after all, there will be booze. Right?
I hope Bugs (man, he is cute!) has changed his criminal ways and life gets easier for sweet Zadge.
I was all set to offer wisdom and dating advice until I realized that the last time I went out on a date was in 198 effing 2. Jesus Christ on a Triscuit. So I will, THANKFULLY, keep my mouth shut.
The mere thought of sharing a bathroom would have me so stressed that it would make the reality even worse.
I’m so sorry for your shitty money pit and the fact that your state is on fire. The cards just do not look good in Colorado. However, you do have the felons. And dude, I ALWAYS pick dogs over boys. Always. Did Doctor Pennypincher mention going dutch when he invited you? Good luck this weekend.
I’ve only read your blog in the evenings while drinking my beverage of choice and I’ve always laughed out loud. Well, I read your blog this morning with coffee and guess it’s not the wine that makes me giggle so much here, it’s your writing
I laughed all throughout this post.
I stay at a B&B in a beautiful Midwest wine valley area called Hermann, MO. Prior to prohibition, Hermann was the second largest producer of wine in the US. Anyway, we stay at the top rated BB, nothing fancy, but total peaceful, European-like and romantic. Except for the bathrooms. I have no idea how two people just getting to know each other (and there’s tons of new couples who get-away there) could ever share such an intimate, not-soundproof, not very private at all bathroom. Blows my mind each time we stay there.
Bugs is adorable! Bet you gave him tons of hugs and kisses upon his arrival back home.
I do find that kind of odd, Boy Doc asking you to split the cost of a trip he suggested. I imagine you’ll have a great time though as long as he doesn’t turn weird.
Keep a tight grip on that wallet, sista. Dr. Boy Toy must not have taken decorum and good taste in medical school. And Paula – I love the Jesus Christ on a Triscuit reference!
Zadgie, you look lovely in extreme heat!
Wouldn’t you split the costs with your other friends if you went with them?
If he isn’t a friend and you won’t enjoy his company except for the bootay….you can do that in Denver.
B. not letting 35 years of marriage, hence lack of dating anyone but my husband for that long, get in the way of giving advice, and sounding like
your grandma.
Cheapskates wear on the soul.
So glad that Bugs is back in town!!!! And sorry about the shitty pipes.
Them wildfires are some scary stuff…..stay safe and hopefully the rains will come soon. And yes, you look pretty fine when it’s scorching out!
If I were in your shoes, I would CANCEL the doctor and take your little sister on a trip instead!
What a sage. Maybe you should consider heeding the advice of “another M”.
I think you’re just not that into him… Dr Boy Toy is good in concept but crappy in reality. It’s okay, and you can continue to see him, but you should probably take a minute and think about it before you make a decision on the trip. Trust me – I speak from experience after dumping my ex because I realized that traveling with him just made me angry & disappointed (we were in a long distance relationship). Now I have a new man in my life and I do not hesitate to go see him (again, long distance – gotta get outta Omaha!). Good luck with your choice – if you go don’t let your feelings ruin a perfectly good trip to SF & wine country – it’s just not worth it – they’re such wonderful places!!
Seems to me this guy has been kind of lukewarm from the get-go. Anyone who can go an entire date and never ask a single question of his date is not someone I’d be in a hurry to see again. Maybe you are just lonely and cutting him too much slack?
Trust your instincts. Sorry about all the poo.
But what an adorable felon he is.
Ugh the heat + the shit storm is NOT a good combination.
One vote for Bugs. (and Harry). There is so much to be said for single. Here’s another never-been-married-and-lovin-it-lady. Boys can be friends. That’s good enough. So, ifn ya go, i’d say fly separate and get your own room. Just go for yourself and meet him here and there!
So sorry about the plumbing problems, that stinks.
I would be inclined to stay home with my little felon and Harry. I’m with Teacher, fly separately and get your own room in the event you want to return home early.
I don’t get the “have to be in a relationship” thinking! I think you like the concept but not the commitment because really The Zadge is too free spirited to let someone or ANYthing sway her to do anything! The Zadge is a free spirit who needs to be FREE! (and you don’t know how lucky and smart you are!)
Just my 2 cents……
At home or in San Francsico–I hope you get some relief from the heat.
If you’re gonna pay anyway, get your own room. Maybe Young Doc doesn’t need the weekend to be everything HE’S hoping for either!
Here’s hoping for rain where you need it and terlets that flush.
I am all for paying my own way in life, but in certain circumstances, there are times when someone else footing the bill is the right thing to do.
A) He invited you. In general he should assume full responsibility for the costs. He could suggest something like “Maybe you can pick up the tab on the rental car” or something like that, but he really should be prepared to pay the bill.
B) Assuming he is aware of your household drama, he should TOTALLY be offering to foot the bill. Be your knight in shining armor! Lancelot and Arthur and Iron Man all rolled into one.
C) Your state is on fire. PAY THE BILL.
That all being said, plus the return of the reprobate Bugs, I personally would be taking a pass on this weekend. But that is just me. You may have gone by now.
I seriously hope you did not go ……But it will be a great blog post when you get back
Sit on that wallet!!! I’m all about paying my way and picking up tabs, but I HATE cheap men….you’re worth so much more than that.
I’m trying to envision myself getting all hot and bothered by someone who has just laid their cheapskate right on the damn table. It isn’t working.
Two words:
STAY HOME.
That’s it, that’s the list.
Have a good time in San Fran Or not.
Harry & Bugs would make better trip companions. Dr. Boy Toy sounds like he has issues…you have enough of those with Old Vicky!
Hope your weekend isn’t a total loss!
Hey, no news from The Zadge means we will have fun Cali food and wine pictures and an interesting story to go along with it. Hope you’re having a blast Zadge!
I’d go but get my own room. If you wanna sleep in one you can… but if you wanna shower, leave your stuff all over the counter, relax and have bodily functions without sewer and sound issues, you can do that, too.
Or just stay home. That’d also work.