Can you hear that rushing sound? Like a roaring river flush with the melting spring snow?
That, my friends, is the sound of the Zadge’s bank account hemorrhaging money.
The $5000 paint job for Old Vicky. The new retaining wall and picket fence for Old Vicky that cost thousands more than the Zadge anticipated. The new flower beds for Old Vicky. The new sprinkler system and sod that are going to be installed tomorrow for the new flowerbeds and front yard. The skylight in the Zadge’s bedroom that had to be replaced to the tune of a grand after it broke in the open position, the day before a thunderstorm was predicted. New screens for several windows.
Damn Old Girl, the Zadge loves you and all but just STOP IT!
Oh, and then this afternoon, while the Zadge was frantically working at the Top Secret Day Job for a Big Thing happening at work in a week, she got a call from Lorenza.
“Ms. Zadge, you have a big problem here.”
“Oh god, did Harry poop on the lone remaining rug in the house?”
“No, Ms. Zadge, this is a real problem.”
Before the Zadge could reply that cleaning up Harry’s diarrhea and vomit and paying his $3000 vet bills for eating homeopathic sinus medicine was in fact a real problem for the Zadge, Lorenza continued on.
“No, Ms. Zadge, you have a big plumbing problem. When I poured the water in the kitchen sink, it all gurgled up into the toilet and shower in the bathroom. I don’t think you will be able to use the bathroom.”
The Zadge did a face plant onto her desk. Baby Jesus of Bethlehem, her main sewer line was clogged. The sound of the hemorrhaging of her money roared through her ears.
The Zadge was already scheduled to leave the Top Secret Day Job early to meet Babe the Builder and the carpenter at 5 p.m. to discuss the garage conversion to the girls’ clubhouse, so she bolted out of her office and got the plumber on the line. They said they would send someone out but it would cost extra because it would be after hours.
The roaring hemorrhaging sound raged again in the Zadge’s ears.
The plumber showed up with his big Roto-Rooter machine. He said to the Zadge, ”Hmmm, there’s food in the toilet.” The Zadge replied, “Welcome to my world.” He toiled away while Babe and the Zadge and the carpenter toured the future site of The Chart House, which will also, by the way, cause the money river to flow.
The Zadge paused briefly to remind herself that the money spent was a “good investment” as opposed to those days when she used to drop $500 on a pair of Jimmy Choo pumps. Somehow, right now, the Choos seem like a better deal for her wallet.
After 45 minutes, the plumber emerged and said, “Ma’am, you have a bigger problem than a clogged drain.”
The Zadge is sure that the entire state of Colorado could hear her groans. Will people STOP TELLING ME I HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM!!! My problems are goddamn big enough already!
Apparently, the 100+ year old clay sewer pipes under her house and yard are breaking apart. So the Zadge could “spot repair” them, which the plumber told her would destroy her deck because the pipes run under it, or she could replace them (and also lose her deck) which would only cost around TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!