Some of you may be thinking that the Zadge is just a shallow, celebitchy gal who lives only to cover the Golden Globes for her patient readers.
To you some, let me tell you that the Zadge also covers high-falutin’ events like the “State of the Union” address, televised tonight on all the major networks.
She’s intellectual that way, so there.
And for you doubters, here are her illuminating, intellectual observations after watching the State of the Union address:
- She wasn’t aware of the Congressional Rule that every Congress Woman must wear a red suit, even if, really honey, it’s not your color.
- Who’s the hottie Cabinet Member walking down the aisle with the salt-n-pepper hair, blue eyes and movie star looks?
- Hilary still hasn’t lost the headband?
- But her blowout looks really good.
- Senator Kerry has two black eyes and a broken nose. The TV announcer says it’s from a hockey match. The Zadge puts her money on an eye job.
- OMG, there’s Gabby Giffords! She looks utterly like a Congressional Audrey Hepburn.
- The Prez is introduced and starts his walk down the aisle. The Zadge gets chills.
- The Zadge loves, loves the Prez. Both rationally and irrationally. How could you not?
- The camera cuts to Michele O, who, of course, looks stunning in royal blue. The Zadge thinks she and Michele O would be friends in real life. although she suspects that Michele O could take her to the hoop in the paint.
- The TV announcer says that some really tall, broad shouldered, shiny-head dude in a regal military uniform is the General in charge of one or other of the various wars we’ve been involved in of late. The Zadge is happy that he looks big and strong and in command.
- The camera cuts to Timothy Geithner. He’s kind of hot. And actually, the Zadge sort of knows the Hot Secretary of the Treasury: the Zadge’s friend and the Shone’s Gentle Vet used to be married to a guy whose sister was married to Hot Secretary of the Treasury. And the Gentle Vet says he’s a great guy. So the Zadge now considers she and the Hot Secretary friends.
- OMG! OMG! The Prez is hugging Gabby! Thunderous applause. The Zadge tears up.
- The Zadge thinks about that ass-hole hockey player Tim Thomas, who refused to go to the White House with his team, and some no-name Colorado Congressman who refused to appear tonight, and she is ashamed they are Americans.
- The camera cuts to Mark Kelly, Gabby’s hubby, and the Zadge wonders why she hasn’t married an astronaut.
- The Prez gets down the aisle and greets the Supremes. The littlest Supreme, sporting a sweet white doily collar, reaches up like a little kid to give him a huge hug.
- The Prez walks up to the podium after greeting the Weepy Orange-Faced One and the One Who Should Never Open His Mouth, and the Zadge wonders if they called each other to coordinate their ties.
- The Prez is formally introduced and the Zadge sort of tears up again at the wonderment of how incredibly lucky we are to live here in the United States, despite all our flaws, and how much better our lives are than those in every single other country in the world, and the Zadge hopes that somehow, somehow, our politicians can put their B.S. aside and move this fine country forward.
- Then there is an hour or so of talk about policy, taxes, blah, blah, blah and the Zadge concludes that she needs to land a man as smart and hot as our Prez.