The Zadge just got in from sharing some happy hour drinks with her friend the Sundance Kid:The Zadge had to post this photo as sepia-toned because, in real life, her teeth were purple-toned from the rich Spanish red she drank. When the Zadge drinks red wine – even one measly glass, which, of course, she never just has — her chompers turn blue and quite unattractive. Like she’s been British her whole life or something.
Which is one of the reasons that the ole’ Vodka Tonic is her usual companion. That, and the fact that the Zadge wakes up in the middle of the night whenever she drinks wine and can’t fall back to sleep. As opposed to the V-n-T, which apparently anesthetizes her all night long. The Zadge and The Kid met at a local dive that was all tricked out for the holidays:
Anyhoo-in-Whoville, this post is not about purple teeth and the Zadge’s alcoholic preferences and sleep patterns, even though she just told you all about them. What the Zadge wants to discuss with you today is naked women in gym locker rooms.
No, she hasn’t turned all Lesbionic on you. Although frankly, based on this latest stretch of Match.com wonders, really, maybe she should try it.
So, back to the nudies in the locker room. After the Zadge’s latest knee surgery, her running days are totally and 100% behind her. She can’t even sprint across the street to escape the bus that is barreling down on her. So she had to turn to something that provided as much of a calorie burn as her miles and miles of running. And only one thing can really match it: Spinning.
So the Zadge has embarked on a committed Spinning program, doing three one-hour classes a week and then doing 60 minutes of spinning-strength training the other three days a week. Sunday, of course, is a day of resting on the couch watching football.
So the Spinning classes are at noon, when the gym is the most crowded, and as a result, the Zadge has found herself in a very crowded locker room on a daily basis, filled with naked women of all sorts of shapes and sizes.
And she has a few questions.
Why do some women feel the need to stand at the counter and put on their make-up and blow dry their hair – bending over from the waist to get that “lift at the roots” – buck negged? And let’s just say, they ain’t no hard bodies.
Or how about the two chicks from the spinning class, drenched with sweat, who just calmly take off their workout clothes and put their work clothes back on – without showering?
Why does a woman of say, 53 years old, think it is a good idea to get a tattoo that starts on the back of her thigh and continues up her left butt cheek, which the Zadge assumes at one time was not flat?
Why does a woman, who the Zadge has to deal with professionally, think it is fun! to get lockers right next to each other so that she can disrobe slowly in front of the Zadge and force the Zadge to maintain strict eye contact during an extensive conversation?
And speaking of that woman and several others spotted today, HELLO?, have you not heard that the word of the day is “Grooming”?
What about the ditz-ball-bleached blond who talked on her cell phone for 20 minutes, apparently to a deaf friend, all about what color a “real” Chanel label on a jacket should be?
And the Zadge concludes with this question: Why does the girl sharing the bench with the Zadge think it is appropriate to sit down on said shared bench to put on her stockings, BUCK NEGGED WITH HER POO-TANG ALL OVER SAID SHARED BENCH?