Italy is the Zadge’s favorite place to visit. Perhaps because she always gets lucky there?
So when the Zadge hit that milestone birthday – the Big Four Oh My God How Did I Get This Old – she decided that she wanted to celebrate big. So she rented this little number in Tuscany for two weeks:
There was a lot of al fresco wine drinking that occurred at that villa. This photo was taken by Moomskers after the Kaiser and the Zadge spent the afternoon on the patio drinking bottles of wine while the Kaiser tried to teach the Zadge how to play chess:
Yeah, that went well. With every new sip of wine, the Zadge kept forgetting which one was the Duke, and which way the Knight could move, and is there even a Duke and why are there so many Pawns, and why does the Kaiser keep getting frustrated with me and please pass the wine. And yes, the Kaiser and the Zadge did hook up in Italy, but not with each other, and whoa Nelly did the Kaiser’s hook up involve all sorts of drama and broken furniture and limoncello, but that’s how the Kaiser rolls.
Every day for lunch we’d hit this adorable restaurant in our tiny village:“La Casa Del Prosciutto” sounds better than the House of Pig, doesn’t it? And doesn’t this photo make the Kaiser look like he is a dad from the 1950s?
One day, the girls left the Kaiser at the pool and drove into Florence for a day of shopping. The Zadge used her birthday to justify several extravagant purchases, including an Italian shearling coat trimmed in Canadian Fox (sorry PETA, single girl spinster angst made me do it) and lots of Florentine gold jewelry on the Ponte Vecchio.
After the day of shopping, Moomskers, the Zadge and the Zadge’s gal pal Heidi went out to dinner in Florence at a wonderful restaurant. We had a cute and charming waiter named Lorenzo. Remember Heidi? The Zadge was one of her bridesmaid’s back in the early 90s and dropped a two ton door on her wedding cake? Aren’t you all dying to have the Zadge at your next wedding? So Heidi’s marriage had recently ended just as it started, with a crash, and Heidi was dusting off her long-neglected flirting skills by practicing with Lorenzo. Lorenzo happily complied and, like any Italian man worth his salt, he flirted back, not only with Heidi, but with Moomskers and the Zadge as well.
So the flirting continued throughout the dinner, which concluded with Lorenzo bringing the girls cappuccinos topped off with foam in the shape of a heart and the bill.
Heidi looked at the bill and said, “Oh my god, he took a third of the bill off!” We were all happily surprised. Heidi said,”Wow! It must be because I was flirting with him so much!”
The Zadge looked down and quietly said, “Uh, I don’t think that’s why.” Heidi, basking in her rediscovered feminine wiles said, “Well, what else could it be?”
That’s when the Zadge said, “Well, he grabbed me when I came out of the ladies room about 15 minutes ago and we made out in the wine cellar. He’s really a good kisser.”
Moomskers, the veteran wingman, just shook her head.
As the girls left the restaurant, Lorenzo was holding the door open with a big smile on his face and a white napkin folded in his hand. He slipped the note into the Zadge’s hand:
Only an Italian man could make a request for a booty call seem romantic. And no, the Zadge did not take him up on his offer for more baccio!
So there you have it: The end of the The Zadge’s Italian Waiter Escapades.
At least until her next trip to Italy.