I cut off all my hair four weeks ago. Ok, I’m not crazy, I did not cut off my hair – I paid a highly gifted hairdresser to do it, Jody Martinez, the owner of Luxe Salon here in Denver… I LOVE HIM.
He is talented beyond belief, kind, funny as hell and has FOUR dogs! In fact, he’s the only man I can say I love right now, and he’s gay and partnered, which says much about the state of my love life. Anyway, I brought in this picture of Sharon Stone and said, “What do you think?”
God bless him, he said, “I love it, I love it. It’s exactly your hair. Let’s do it.”
By “your hair,” he meant The Baby Goose. Years ago, I was sitting at an outdoor cafe in D.C. with my friend The Adorable Opera Singer. We were people-watching. Having been hair-challenged my whole life, I kept saying as women with blond shoulder-length hair walked by, “Does my hair look like that?” Finally, The Adorable Opera Singer said, “No. I’ll let you know when a baby goose walks by.” The fine, wispy, blond tufts finally had a name. Now, my close friends just call it “The Goose.”
So Jody, the gay man I love cut The Goose four weeks ago. And yes, The Goose looked like the picture above. Too bad for The Zadge that the face did not. Nonetheless, I was very happy with the cut – I got lots of compliments and good friends told me I looked 10 years younger. (That’s why they are good friends.)
The problem, however, with short hair is that you have to get it cut A LOT or it starts to look like a mullet. (Ok, I suffered a huge capri-pants backlash from my capri-hating post a few days ago, so let me just say upfront that I think the mullet can look good on some people. I haven’t met them yet, but I’m sure they are out there. Wearing capris – he, he, he!) Normally, I wouldn’t mind seeing Jody-the-man-I-love every four weeks and paying him the $90 to tame The Goose.
But there is a small problem I may have mentioned….The Damn House That Won’t Sell. As a result of TDHTWS, and the fact that The Zadge is now carrying a mortgage in D.C. and also paying rent in Denver, The Zadge has had to slash all unnecessary expenses. That means no boozy dinners out, no vacations, no daily dog-walking for the boyz, no HBO, no manicures, and even, as of late, no pedicures. Oy vay. But the one thing The Zadge will not give up is a professional haircut (and highlights!). So how happy was she today when Jody, the gay man she loves, gave her this haircut (can you see it?) for free?!!!!!
See, my appointment was at 3:00 p.m., and just as Jody was blowing out The Goose, he said, “Can I ask you a huge favor? Would you mind running out and buying me a bottle of champagne? I have a bridal wedding party coming in any minute.” Of course, I said. But then I looked at him and said, “One bottle? For a bridal party? Should I get two?” And this is yet another reason why I love Jody…..he said, “Oh god, it’s not for them, it’s for me!” So I ran out, freshly coiffed, and picked up some champagne for the man I love so he could deal with his Bridezillas and he comped my haircut.
Then I headed out to meet some friends for drinks after work (if, by “after work,” you mean 3:30 in the afternoon) …me and my Sharon Stone bad-ass Goose met my friends here:
This is the Wynkoop Brewery, founded by Denver’s now-Mayor, John Hickenlooper, a very cool, progressive dude. (As opposed to my uncool-ex-Mayor of D.C., Marion “The Bitch Set Me Up” Barry.) Denverites take their beer so seriously that they elected a BrewMeister as Mayor.
I walked in and discovered that it was “Downtown Employee Appreciation Week.” Sweet!! I work downtown! That meant free beers, munchies, and massages were taking place throughout the Brewery. I was looking for my friends when the waitress came up. I felt weird getting a massage in a bar , so I ordered some of the free munchies and a beer…and guess what? The waitress freakin’ carded me!!!! 45-year-old-Sharon-Stone-styled-Goose-me!!!! And she did it with a straight face.
I hooked up with the friends, we had some beer and free munchies. The bill came and I owed $3.00.
What kind of day is THIS? Free haircut, free beer, free food, some waitress thinks I may not be of legal drinking age and I love a man, even if he’s gay?!!
I’m going out to buy a Powerball ticket.